Grab a piece of paper and a pen.  This quiz has three sections measuring cohesion, flexibility and communication.  For descriptions of what each of those mean within this context, check out my post on Family Dynamics.  Please note that this quiz is not meant to be any sort of a final say on where your family or couple system lies.  Contact a professional if you have concerns about your family system.  I am not a professional.  Have fun!

Section I: Cohesion.
Rate yourself on a scale of 1-4, where 1 represents “Never True” and 4 represents “Always True”

  1. No matter what, spending time with the family is the number one priority.
  2. We always spend time together.
  3. I always feel very close to my family.
  4. The family is more important than work or friend obligations.
  5. We always have fun together.
  6. I always know what is going on with each of my family members.

Average your total.

Section II: Flexibility
Rate yourself on a scale of 1-4, where 1 represents “Never True” and 4 represents “Always True”

  1. I never know who the leader is in my family.
  2. Discipline is/was never used in my family.
  3. It is very difficult for my family to make a decision.
  4. Day to day, each person in my family always has different obligations.
  5. Day to day, the rules are never the same in my family.
  6. My family doesn’t react emotionally to change.

Average your total.

Section III: Communication
Rate yourself on a scale of 1-4, where 1 represents “Never True” and 4 represents “Always True”

  1. My family and I have very good listening skills.
  2. My family and I do not struggle to communicate orally.
  3. It is safe to tell my family my secrets.
  4. My family is forthright and direct.
  5. When my family communicates, we stay on topic.
  6. Respect and regard are highly valued and used in my family.

Average your total.

Now, I would like for you to take a look at the table from my post on Family Dynamics again. Your cohesion score can go into the chart on the X axis, and the Flexibility score can go into the chart on the Y axis. The only difference from this chart and a normal graph is that the Y axis is organized from the top down, instead of from the bottom up. Your cohesion average is represented by “CA” and your flexibility score is represented by “FA”.

CA=1 CA=2 CA=3 CA=4
FA=1 Rigid, Disengaged Rigid, Connected Rigid, Cohesive Rigid, Enmeshed
FA=2 Structured, Disengaged Structured, Connected Structured, Cohesive Structured, Enmeshed
FA=3 Flexible, Disengaged Flexible, Connected Flexible, Cohesive Flexible, Enmeshed
FA=4 Chaotic, Disengaged Chaotic, Connected Chaotic, Cohesive Chaotic, Enmeshed

Your communication score is ranked from 1, poor communication, to 4, very good communication.  The higher your score on communcation the easier it is for your family to change it’s placement on this chart depending on the situational needs.

This quiz taken from Marriages and Families: Intimacy, Diversity, and Strengths 5th ed. by David H Olson and John Defrain, Appendix A.

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